Tour Rider

Close Proximity (hereby referred to as ARTIST) thanks you (hereby referred to as PURCHASER) for your patronage & we look forward to rockin’ thy proverbial socks off.  To ensure the best performance possible, we ask that the following items be provided upon arrival.

Food / Drink

• 1          24 Pack Bud Light in cans or bottles*
• 1          24 Pack Miller Lite in cans or bottles*
• 1          Large cooler with at least 2 bags of ice (to be returned by ARTIST)
• 2         Thick crust Pepperoni Pizzas (preferably Papa John’s or Dominos)
• 4          One Liter bottles of Bottled Water (no sparkling or carbonated water, please)

*(You may substitute 2- 24 Packs of Milwaukee’s Best Light if you’re on a tight budget)

And if you really want to be nice

• 4          One Liter bottles of Gatorade (2 Riptide Rush & 2 Original Lemon-Lime)
• 1          6-Pack of Coca-Cola in cans or bottles
• 1          6-Pack of Diet Mountain Dew in cans or bottles
• 2          Packs of Camel Ultra Lights (Hard Pack)
• 1          Box (6 or 24 count) of Goody’s or BC Headache Powders
• 1          Literacola

Or if you really, really want to be nice and be bestest friends forever:

One pound of black-tar heroin, three blonde and three brunette escorts, an assortment of loaded firearms, an XL T-shirt with “I choked Linda Lovelace” printed on the front, a giant bong, a Dodge Viper, a fully staffed NASCAR pit crew, a 1987 white Yugo, a big-ass disco ball, a six-pack of low-rise mesh underwear, an assortment of flavored prophylactics (none soiled), a self addressed stamped envelope, your credit card numbers with expiration dates (don’t forget the three-digit code on the back!), a copy of your driver’s license and birth certificate, a Ms Pac-Man/ Galaga stand-up video game machine, a fully charged Rascal, a plethora of shrubbery, an African Swallow, a fire truck, an assortment of straight porn magazines and videos, an inflatable Jenna Jameson doll complete with real-life mouth and private areas, a box of Kleenex (two-ply), a bottle of Murine eye-drops, a Bobcat, a set of Lincoln Logs, a six-pack of white tube socks, a Wal-Mart $50.00 gift card, a free GE toaster oven with $100 checking account, $3.95 shipping and handling charges, 8-Track, Vinyl, or Cassette, a copy of Rhode Island Slut, a giant foam rubber cowboy hat, a pinwheel, sparklers, a bowl of brown-only M&M’s, a bottle of Windex, and a partridge in a pear tree.

Minimum Electrical Requirements

We have our own One Hundred Amp (100A) power distro box that can be wired in to most any 120/240v single-phase G.E. or Square D  (or equivalent) breaker panel, or a dedicated sub panel of the same description.  Our box has one hundred feet (100') of insulated cable.  If you are unsure of your power supply, call a qualified electrician prior to ARTIST's arrival to evaluate the situation.  Remember, better safe than someone getting needlessly electrocuted - especially one of us!!!

If the stage is farther than 100' from the breaker panel, or if you are on a three-phase system, we require the following:

• 4 Fifteen Amp (15A) Circuits
• 1 Twenty Amp (20A) Circuit

These circuits must be dedicated for stage use only!  This means no radios, hair dryers, clothes dryers, refrigerators, vibrators, televisions, stereo systems, swimming pools, movie stars, green clovers, purple horseshoes, computers, Hüsker Dü’s, Hüsker Dont’s, Kitty Chasers, Knee Slappers, M-80’s, Cherry Bombs, battery chargers, Dodge Chargers, San Diego Chargers, whipped cream chargers, or anything else you own may be plugged into these outlets unless cleared by the band.

If these outlets are not near the stage area, please provide the necessary extension cords close enough where we can plug in.

The electrical outlets must be IN PHASE and GROUNDED.  Once again, if you are unsure of your electrical system, call a qualified electrician to check this out.  If you’ve had bands before, you probably have already done this, so do it again for us pretty please.

We will double-check this before set up, so no skimping here, bucko!  ‘Cause we got the tools, and we got the talent!

Otherwise, any damage incurred to ARTIST’s equipment will be responsible solely by PURCHASER.  NO EXCEPTIONS.  This means you.  We know people.

Payment

Payment to ARTIST in form of cash or check (no bouncy ones, please) shall be made prior to performance.  Payment in weed is not accepted, but nonetheless appreciated.  If payment is by check, it shall be made to Close Proximity, LLC.  In the event of any funds received that are deemed counterfeit, Non-Sufficient Funds, Stop Payment, etc.,  PURCHASER will be responsible for full payment plus any fees incurred, plus a $50.00 (fifty dollar) penalty.    As mentioned above, we know people...

Most importantly, have a good time and go crazy-go-nuts